I have been more broken, wounded, shattered, lonely that I ever thought I would be. At times I am full of shame, I feel controlled, I am full of sinful thoughts that are selfish and self serving. At times I feel beaten down and depressed. I fall short. I lust, hate, envy, crave, despise. I am full with anxiety and stress. I keep records of wrong and do not want what is best for others. I resent those who are more successful, popular, funny, creative, beautiful. I hold deep resentments and hesitate to forgive those who have imflicted emotional wounds on me. I have been too addicted, too obsessive, too compulsive, too focused on my wants. I hesitate to forgive quickly and have robbed myself of alot of joy God wants me to experience. Fear cripples my foward motion and I do not allow God to control my life. I do not measure up to the standard set by God. I have missed the mark!
But ... I love God and am desperately seeking his presence and praying that He will guide me to live a life that honors Him. I am begging him to rip out my selfish will and replace it with a will that serves him. I crave his Spirit's guiding presence and and trying to trust His directions. I love God and daily remind myself that there is nothing more important than my relationship with God. Nothing! I am committed to living every day I get to spend on this earth for Him and for only Him. It's tough but I am committed to this journey.
God, I beg you to use greenectar as a tool to inspire people to bring their real selfs to you so they can experience a deeper freedom in life.
1 comment:
It's nice to know that the island of despair, brokeness, and incompleteness that you described is inhabited by so many. Although for much of the time most of us can't see the other natives because we choose to sit solitary under our own shade tree and complain that there is never enough sun. Your courage to be real has opened the invitation for other island guest to leave their shade and live as a community that realizes it's great need of the Creator as well as each other.
Yout thoughts squeezed something out of me - I guess this Greenectar thing must be working.
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