I have been more broken, wounded, shattered, lonely that I ever thought I would be. At times I am full of shame, I feel controlled, I am full of sinful thoughts that are selfish and self serving. At times I feel beaten down and depressed. I fall short. I lust, hate, envy, crave, despise. I am full with anxiety and stress. I keep records of wrong and do not want what is best for others. I resent those who are more successful, popular, funny, creative, beautiful. I hold deep resentments and hesitate to forgive those who have imflicted emotional wounds on me. I have been too addicted, too obsessive, too compulsive, too focused on my wants. I hesitate to forgive quickly and have robbed myself of alot of joy God wants me to experience. Fear cripples my foward motion and I do not allow God to control my life. I do not measure up to the standard set by God. I have missed the mark!
But ... I love God and am desperately seeking his presence and praying that He will guide me to live a life that honors Him. I am begging him to rip out my selfish will and replace it with a will that serves him. I crave his Spirit's guiding presence and and trying to trust His directions. I love God and daily remind myself that there is nothing more important than my relationship with God. Nothing! I am committed to living every day I get to spend on this earth for Him and for only Him. It's tough but I am committed to this journey.
God, I beg you to use greenectar as a tool to inspire people to bring their real selfs to you so they can experience a deeper freedom in life.
